%
We're all looking for a woman who can sit in a mini-skirt and talk
philosophy, executing both with confidence and style.
%
Life Sucks.  Cynical, misanthropic male, 34, looking for soul mate but
certain not to find her.  Drop me a note.  I'll call you, we'll talk and
I'll ask you out to dinner where I'll probably spend more than I can
afford in a feeble attempt to impress you.  Then we'll realize we have
absolutely nothing in common and we'll go our separate ways, more
embittered and depressed than before (if such a thing is possible).
%
HEY KIDS!  ANN LANDERS SAYS:
        Be sure it's true, when you say "I love you".  It's a sin to
        tell a lie.  Millions of hearts have been broken, just because
        these words were spoken.
%
-- Bruce Feirstein, "Nice Guys Sleep Alone"
%
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
		-- Lily Tomlin
%
In real love you want the other person's good.  In romantic love you
want the other person.
		-- Margaret Anderson
%
Love is being stupid together.
		-- Paul Valery
%
Love isn't only blind, it's also deaf, dumb, and stupid.
%
Most people don't need a great deal of love nearly so much as they need
a steady supply.
%
On a tous un peu peur de l'amour, mais on a surtout peur de souffrir
ou de faire souffrir.
	[One is always a little afraid of love, but above all, one is
	 afraid of pain or causing pain.]
%
That is the true season of love, when we believe that we alone can love,
that no one could have loved so before us, and that no one will love
in the same way as us.
	-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%
Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connais pas
	-- Blaise Pascal
%
The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.
%
Total strangers need love, too; and I'm stranger than most.
%
Arthur's Laws of Love:
	(1) People to whom you are attracted invariably think you
	    remind them of someone else.
	(2) The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be
	    delayed in the mail long enough for you to make a fool of
	    yourself in person.
%
Beifeld's Principle:
	The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive
	young female increases by pyramidical progression when he
	is already in the company of (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a
	better-looking and richer male friend.
		-- R. Beifeld
%
First Law of Socio-Genetics:
	Celibacy is not hereditary.
%
love, n.:
	When, if asked to choose between your lover
	and happiness, you'd skip happiness in a heartbeat.
%
Male, n.:
	A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex.  The male of the
	human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man.  The genus
	has two varieties:  good providers and bad providers.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
oral contraceptive, n.:
        The word "No".
%
Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
%
What a man enjoys most about a woman's clothes are his fantasies of how
she would look without them.
                -- Brendan Francis
%
Adam's Law:
        (1)  Women don't know what they want;
             they don't like what they have got.
        (2)  Men know very well what they want;
             having got it, they begin to lose interest.
%
Sex is what women have and men want.
%
When it comes to broken marriages most husbands will split the blame --
half his wife's fault, and half her mother's.
%
Colvard's Logical Premises:
        All probabilities are 50%.
        Either a thing will happen or it won't.

Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary:
        This is especially true when dealing with someone you're attracted to.

Grelb's Commentary:
        Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
%
If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no
longer be fantasies.
                -- Fran Lebowitz
%
swallow, v.:
        The (blew) bird of birth control.
%
embarrassment, n.:
        Finding out your German Shepherd has the clap.
%
masturbation, n.:
        A self-service elevator.
%
Postulate #1:   Nothing is better than sex.
Postulate #2:   Masturbation is better than nothing.
Conclusion:     Masturbation is better than sex.
%
"Algorithms" is an anagram for "Hilt orgasm".  Maybe this explains
the popularity of this field of study in computer science.
%
courage, n:
        Two cannibals having oral sex.
%
"As the years passed he fell into despair, and lost all hope. For
who could ever learn to love a beast?" 
	-- Beauty & the Beast
%
"Is a dream a lie if it don't come true, or is it something worse?"
%
"I guess some people aren't allowed dreams..." -- Mike Flynn
%
Moody bitch with attitude, seeks nice, good-looking guy to dump on.
%
My sex life hasn't been so good; either fist or famine.
%
We don't smoke and we don't chew, and we don't go with girls that do.
	-- Walter Summers
%
Sometime when you least expect it, Love will tap you on the shoulder...         
and ask you to move out of the way because it still isn't your turn.            
	-- N.V. Plyter
%
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be               
thankful for a good one.                                                        
	-- Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings 
%
So many women; so little nerve.
%
If you drink, don't park.  Accidents make people.
%
One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet
when well oiled.
%
Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #52:

Q:  What is your name?
A:  Ernestine McDowell.
Q:  And what is your marital status?
A:  Fair.
%
Humor in the Court:
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
%
Humor in the Court:
Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A. That is the only kind I know.
%
Acting is not very hard.  The most important things are to be able to laugh
and cry.  If I have to cry, I think of my sex life.  And if I have to laugh,
well, I think of my sex life.
		-- Glenda Jackson
%
A Code of Honour: never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief
as your goal.  There are too many women in the world to justify that sort of
dishonourable behaviour. 
%
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
		-- Brendan Francis
%
A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman
makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.
		-- Frost
%
Men say of women what pleases them; women do with men what pleases them.        
		-- DeSegur
%
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
%
High heels are a device invented by a woman who was tired of being kissed
on the forehead.
%
I like being single.  I'm always there when I need me.
		-- Art Leo
%
I married beneath me.  All women do.
		-- Lady Nancy Astor
%
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -- a practice which is
still continued.
		-- Helen Rowland
%
Lady Nancy Astor:
	"Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchill:
	"Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."
%
Lonely men seek companionship.  Lonely women sit at home and wait.
They never meet.
%
Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.
		-- E.W. Howe
%
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
%
Men who cherish for women the highest respect are seldom popular with them.
		-- Joseph Addison
%
Scientists still know less about what attracts men than they do about
what attracts mosquitoes.
		-- Dr. Joyce Brothers,
		"What Every Woman Should Know About Men"
%
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
%
Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it
needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.
		-- Kipling
%
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows
that the average man can see much better than he can think.
		-- Ladies' Home Journal
%
The perfect man is the true partner.  Not a bed partner nor a fun partner,
but a man who will shoulder burdens equally with [you] and possess that
quality of joy.
		-- Erica Jong
%
There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them,
or turn them into literature.
		-- Stephen Stills
%
There's too much beauty upon this earth for lonely men to bear.
		-- Richard Le Gallienne
%
When I was a young man, I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal
woman.  Well, I found her -- but alas, she was waiting for the ideal man.
		-- Robert Schuman
%
When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do
not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues.
		-- Honoré de Balzac
%
Why isn't there some cheap and easy way to prove how much she means to me?
%
Women sometimes forgive a man who forces the opportunity, but never a man
who misses one.
		-- Charles De Talleyrand-Perigord
%
Women, when they are not in love, have all the cold blood of an experienced 
attorney.
		-- Honoré de Balzac
%
Charm is a way of getting the answer "Yes" -- without having asked any          
clear question.
%
hypocrite, n.:
	A man who says he likes cats, but won't eat pussy.
%
Sex is like everything else.  To get it done right, do it yourself.
%
I used to think romantic love was a neurosis shared by two, a supreme
foolishness.  I no longer thought that.  There's nothing foolish in
loving anyone.  Thinking you'll be loved in return is what's foolish.
	-- Rita Mae Brown
%
Q: What's the difference between a man and the weekend?
A: The weekend never comes too soon.
%
Once upon a time there was a little girl named Little Red Riding Hood.  One
fine morning she decided to visit her Grandmother, so she put a freshly baked
cake and a .357 magnum into her basket and set off through the forest.  When
she got there, what should she find but a big black wolf in the bed, who
jumped up, grabbed her and snarled, "I'm going to fuck you until the sun goes
down."
        So Little Red Riding Hood whipped out the .357 and said, "Oh, no,
you're not!  You're going to eat me just like the story says!"
%
How come if you're horny it's lust, but if she's horny it's affection?
%
If we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time of it.
	-- Oscar Wilde
%
Demonstrating once again the importance of the lowly comma, this
telegram was sent from a wife to her husband:
        "NOT GETTING ANY, BETTER COME HOME AT ONCE."
%
Cashier: "I gave your refund to your wife."
Me:      "Uh. . . I was *single* when I came in here. . ."
%
True happiness will be found only in true love.
%
There was something about her I liked, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
%
Dance is the vertical expression of a horizontal intention.
%
... Masturbation is simply shaking hands with the unemployed.
%
Second Law of Final Exams:
	In your toughest final -- for the first time all year -- the most
	distractingly attractive student in the class will sit next to you.
%
oral sex, n.:
	The taste of things to come.
%
Q:      What's the worst thing about being an atheist?
A:      No one to talk to when you're having an orgasm.
%
irony, n.:
	A windy day, when, just as a beautiful girl with
	a short skirt approaches, dust blows in your eyes.
%
Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for independence.
%
I would gladly raise my voice in praise of women, only they won't let me
raise my voice.
		-- Winkle
%
happiness, n.:
        Finding the owner of a lost bikini.
%
Kotex, n.:
        Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best.
%
Premenstrual Syndrome:
        Just before their periods women behave the way men do all the time.
%
Of course a platonic relationship is possible -- but only between
husband and wife.
%
"...One of the qualifications of artists
should be a vow of celibacy. They should
be confined to ruining only their own lives."
	--Roger Lewis
%
I am not alone by choice, but for want of suitable companions.
	- Saul Bellow (not exact)
%
LOVE: Two consonants, two vowels, two fools
%
How I long to fall just a little bit, to dance
outside of the lines and stray from the light.
But I fear that to fall in love with
you is to fall from a great and gruesome height.
	-- dar williams "iowa"
%
It appears that each one of us is compulsively searching for a mate
with a very particular set of positive and negative personality traits.
        -- Harville Hendrix
%
In literature, as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by
others.
	-- Andre Maurois
%
Sex is the poor man's opera.
	-- G.B. Shaw
%
As part of an equal opportunity project, a memo was sent to all the offices
within External Affairs asking for "A list of all employees broken down by
sex."

One of the memos was returned with the notation: "I'm sorry: we
know of nobody in this office who fits your criteria.  We do, however,
have two alcoholics."
%
Half the posts to this group are about masturbation and the other half
are about penis size.  And what I want to know is, if all you're doing
is jerking off, why do you care how big it is?
                -- From alt.sex
%
Hear about...
        the Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend and
        next morning found she was six months pregnant?
%
I've been told that it's far more sensous to have a woman leave something
on rather than being totally nude.  Myself, I've always felt that the lights
were more than enough.
%
According to a new study, 20% of men do not know how to put on a condom.
"You know what you call these men? Dad." (Jay Leno)
%
If you catch a man, throw him back.
                -- Woman's Liberation Slogan, c. 1975
%
One expresses well the love he does not feel.
	-- J.A. Karr
%
Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
%
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing
(and then they marry him.)
%
I was a virgin all through high school... by popular demand.
%
I sat down beside her, said hello, offered to buy her a drink... and then
natural selection reared its ugly head.
%
George C. Scott, when he had to get into bed with an actress for a
love scene, was rumored to have told her, "I apologize if I get an
erection and I apologize if I don't."
%
Yeah, there are more important things in life than money, but they won't go
out with you if you don't have any.
%
love, v.:
        I'll let you play with my life if you'll let me play with yours.
%
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size
extra large condoms.

He replies, "Yes we do.  Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone
does?"
%
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
%
Funny names:
Mike Hunt
Phil McCracken
Jenny Talia
Hugh Jardon
Mike Roach
Myra Mains (My remains)
Mr. Lyon (for zoo)
%
"Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love."
        -- Albert Einstein
%
Some marriages are made in heaven -- but so are thunder and lightning.
%
"I admit, I have a bit of penis envy. They're ridiculous, but
 they're cool."
 -- k.d.lang
%
"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt ?" the shop
teacher asked Judi, the only girl in the shop class during the first
day of school.

Judi pondered the question for a moment, then replied, "Well, I can't
rightly say as I know, 'cause I ain't never been 'bolted'."
%
Make love, not war. --Hell, do both, get married!
        -Women's restroom, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.
%
Beauty is only a light switch away.
        -Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina.
%
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have
trouble with it.
        -Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.
%
What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
        -Men's restroom, Lynagh's. Lexington, Kentucky.
%
Pickup lines:
"Come on, be original, say yes, everyone else says no."
%
"getting head"--reminds me of freshman chemistry with Dr. Zoltan Soos,
for whom English was not a first language. He was trying to explain
entropy in terms of probability, with an analogy to flipping coins.
"Sometimes you get head, sometimes you don't." The class burst out laughing.
"Why are you laughing? What did I say?" Nobody was about to explain it to
him.
%
Lovely line from LA Story:
"Your breasts feel funny"
"That's because they're real"
%
I find board games a cheap and easy way to seduce a date. Just don't beat
him too badly.
%
"Virgins can always get backstage, no matter what they got to say."
        -- Tori Amos
%
Q: How are toy trains and breasts alike?
A: They're both meant for the kids but Dad always winds up playing
   with them.
%
Q. Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children?
A. Because he only comes once a year, and then it's down the chimney.
%
Q: What's the difference between semen and yogart?
A: Yogart doesn't hit the back of your mouth at 80 mph!
%
"If you were a gentleman, you would not make me do this."
"If you were a lady, you would not talk with your mouth full."
%
Whatdaya call nuts on the wall?....Walnuts
Whatdaya call nuts on your chest?....Chesnuts
Whatdaya call nuts on your chin?....a BJ
%
Q: Why is the Dairy Queen pregnant?
A: Because the Burger King couldn't control his whopper.
%
Q: How do you find an old man in the dark?
A: It's not hard
%
One sperm says to the other, "How far is it to the ovaries?"
The other one says, "Relax, we just passed the tonsils."
%
What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? $3.99 per minute.
%
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same but you get the remote.
%
How do we know that God is a man?
Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.
%
What's another term for 'lesbian'?
A vagitarian.
%
A doctor tells a patient:
"I have good news for you, Mrs. Brown."
"I am Miss Brown."
"Then I have bad news for you, Miss Brown."
%
Q: What's the difference between a porno movie and a Spice Girls video?
A: Music's better in the porn movie.
%
Q: What does Bill say to Hillary right after sex?
A: "I'll be home in 20 minutes."
%
Why are women so bad at parking cars

Because for years men have been telling them that this {___________} is six
inches.
%
Q: Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
%
Q: How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
A: At the circus the clowns don't talk.
%
Q: What's the difference between a circus and a sorority?
A: Well, a circus is a cunning array of stunts...
%
Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A: A mega-sore-ass
%
Q: What does Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?
A: They both say "insert bill here"
%
In a recent study, the government administered weekly doses of VIAGRA to
an equal number of doctors and lawyers. While most of the doctors achieved
enhanced sexual prowess, the lawyers simply grew taller. researchers are at a
loss to explain.
%
Seafood restaurant near my alma mater advertised: "WE HAVE FRIED
SHEMP". Couldn't stop laughing. Then there's the infamous Burnside sign:
"14 OZ. BONER"
%
A local TV station announced "Today, local parents were upset when anti-AIDS 
groups held safe sex demonstrations at local high schools. More at 11."
%
Monica Lewinski walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the clerk, "I've got
another dress to be cleaned."

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"

"No," says Monica. "Mustard."
%
The three words most hated by men during sex: "Are you
done?" Three words women hate to hear when having sex:
"Honey, I'm home!"
%
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lb.
%
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes
%
Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.
%
Q: How do you make a woman scream twice?
A: Fuck her in the ass, then wipe your dick on the drapes.
%
Clinton to new White House intern: "I haven't come across your face before!"
%
Q: What's the best thing about a blowjob?
A: Ten minutes of silence.
%
The teacher is female. The boy stands up, his hand in his trouser
pocket. He says, "I've got something in my hand. It's long and thin,
hard as wood, and has a little red head. What is it?"
The teacher blushes and sends him out. On his way to the door, he
remarks: "It's a match, but I like the way you think."
%
In the stands here I see a young couple who must be in love -- they're
kissing on every pitch.  He's kissing her on the strikes, and she's
kissing him on the balls.
                -- Harry Caray, a Chicago sportscaster
%
I'm not laughing behind your back; everything funny is in front!
                -- Rodney Dangerfield's wife
%
The Italian entry in the Eurovision Song Contest, "I Can't Get No
Contraception", has been withdrawn after the Pope advised them to pull it out
at the last minute.
                -- Not the Nine O'Clock News
%
Q: Ever seen the serial number that is on a condom?
A: Guess you never had to unroll it that far.
%
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
%
Did you hear that Lorena Bobbit is going into weather forecasting?
She already predicted six inches on the ground by morning.
%
Q: What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
A: "Sat on the Presidential Staff"
%
The most recent survey on women showed that 10 of the men
interviewed liked women with thin legs.  Another 15 percent
preferred muscular legs.  The rest liked something in-between.
%
Believe it or not, in High School, I dated a girl who always got straight
"A's".  Carolyn was nice enuff, but every time I sent her a love letter,
she sent it back corrected.
%
Before Viagra, for some people, making love was
classified as "assault with a dead weapon."
%
The sex act is the funniest thing on the face of this Earth.
        -- Diana Rigg
%
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and
child."
        -- Vice President Dan Quayle
%
I read Playboy for the same reason I read National Geographic.  To see
the sights I'm never going to visit.
%
A couple of years ago, when I worked at a large
company, our "sexual harassment training"
included a company letter that stated "Don't
treat a female engineer like a secretary."
Needless to say, the secretaries were not
amused.
%
True: Woman's womb filled with air during cunnilingus; she dies due to embolism.
%
Anyone had a Dutch liqueur called 'Advocaat'?
On the bottle, the manufacturer's name - in large gold letters:
FOCKINK
Established 1489.
%
Q: What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
A: Acne doesn't come on your face until adolescence.
%
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with
the ideal never goes unpunished."
	-- Goethe
%
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
%
It was laying limp in my hand.
It was very long, kind of thin.
I slid it between my fingers until I got to the end of it.
I was turning it on.
It became firm in my hands, and the end was wet.
Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip.
Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.
%
Attending a wedding for the first time,
a little girl whispered to her mother,
"Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today
is the happiest day of her life,"
her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said,
"So, why's the groom wearing black?"
%
A 75 year old woman goes to the doctor and tells him she needs
some birth control pills and the doctor looks at her and says
ma'am your 75 years old why would you need birth control pills?
She tells him you see they help me sleep at night.
The doctor is still confused and says how could
they possibly help you sleep at night?
She looks at him and says well I put them in my
granddaughters orange juice every morning.
%
Fred cured me

A worried father confronted his daughter one night. "I don't like that new
boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it."

"Oh no, Daddy," the daughter replied, "Fred's ever so clever, we've only been
going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a
month."
%
Q: You do you call the useless skin that come with the penis?
A: The man
%
Q: What do Woody Allen and Kodak have in common?
A: They both come in a little yellow box.
%
Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well-hung.
%
Q: What's the difference between pink and purple?
A: The tightness of your grip.
%
Q: How are women and rocks alike?
A: You skip the flat ones.
%
A young lad's father picked him up from school
to take him to a dental appointment.
Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today,
he asked his son if he got a part.
The boy enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part.
"I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son.
Keep up the good work and before you know it
they'll be giving you a speaking part."
%
"Take a bunch of flowers home for your wife, sir," urged the street vendor.
"I haven't got a wife," replied the young man.
"Then buy a bunch for your sweetheart."
"I don't have a sweetheart, either."
"Well then, buy a couple of bunches to celebrate your luck."
%
"In the year 2000...after 23 years, Miss Piggy ends her relationship with
Kermit the Frog when he converts to Judaism and can no longer eat pork."
%
Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking
together in the same direction.
	-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
%
Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator, and go
to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed, and go to the
fridge.
%
It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.
	-- Joan Rivers
%
It's easy to tell the sexes apart, even though nowadays men wear
long hair and women wear pants. The one listening is the man.
%
"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
	-- Oliver Herford
%
"Sex is like air.  It's only important if you're not getting any."
%
Fornication: "a word used by someone who doesn't have anyone to screw with".
%
Q: What's the difference between a slut and a bitch?  
A: A slut screws everyone, a bitch screws everyone but you.
%
I must be a sex object: I say "Sex?"; she objects.
%
Q. What has Kodak and a Condom got in common?
A. Thay are both there to capture that special moment.
%
"Why's it called a hymen, anyway? Is that what it says to the first
guy?"
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Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know,
eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make
love."

"Well," said the other woman, "that will certainly revolutionize the
game of hockey!"
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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'u' and 'i' closer
together.
%
Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For better traction in the mud.
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The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions  when a
caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to
marry a virgin?

To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
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Q: What do women and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both squirm when you eat them.
%
Q: What's the definition of confusion?
A: Twenty blind lesbians in a sushi bar
%
Q: What do a bungee jumper and a gay man have in common?
A: If the rubber breaks, they are both in deep shit.
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Young love is when you love someone because of what they do right.
Mature love is when you love someone in spite of what they do wrong.
	-- Mark Goulston
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Love is a rose flower in your being.
But prepare your being; dispel the darkness and the unconsciousness.
Become more and more alert and aware and love will come on its own accord, in its own time.
You need not worry about it. And whenever it comes it is always perfect.
Love is a spiritual experience -- nothing to do with sexes and nothing to do with bodies,
but something to do with the innermost being.
	-- Osho
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"Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you."
	--Joey Adams
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Love will enter immediately into any mind that truly wants it, but
it must want it truly.
 
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all
of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
 - A Course in Miracles
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